Life Sucks
by missymagi
Summary: Clary and Jace are partners on a project. Clary believes that Jace is just slacker when it comes to school, but soon she realizes Jace's big secret and how wrong she really is.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that belongs to the Mortal Instruments**

CPOV

"Last but not least," Hodge peered down at the class list, "Clary Fray and Jace Wayland, you guys will be partners for the research project." Hodge was an interesting teacher. He always tries to be the "cool and hip" type of guy so he insists that we call him by his first name.

My eyes popped wide opened when I realized what he had just said. I turned towards Jace was scowling at the teacher. Why the hell did I have to get stuck with _him_? He hates me! Hell, he hates everyone. Jace only has like one friend, Alec Lightwood, other than him, no one else bothers to put up with Jace's asshole-attitude. And he always ditches school. I'm pretty sure he only went to school three times over the past three weeks.

I had to admit though, Jace was hot. You'd think he played some type of sport, but he doesn't. He doesn't do anything; just another lazy teenager.

"This is the beginning of the second semester and you guys have till the end of the school year," he continued. "I expect very thorough and well written assignments," the bell rang, "class dismissed."

Biting my lip, I walked over to Jace. He was still sitting there except his elbows were propped onto the table with his face buried in his hands. "Jace?"

"What?" His voice was harsh, causing me to jump. I hate it when people raise their voice at me. _I guess I'll just talk to him later_.

"Never mind," I quickly stumbled out of the classroom.

"Clary, wait!" I heard him call after me, but I didn't wait up.

"Simon!" He turned towards me as I ran over to him. I gave him a quick peck on the lips as he twirled me around. We were best friends since pre-k, but now we are more than friends. We started dating around Thanksgiving.

"Hey, Babe," He smiled onto my lips. We continued to kiss, in perfect bliss.

"Ahem," someone coughed from behind. _Jace_. "Are you guys done because I would really like to talk to my partner?" He gestured towards me.

"Jace is your research partner?" Simon started laughing. Jace motioned me to follow him.

"Shut up, Simon!" I playfully smacked him before I followed Jace. "What do you want?"

"What did you want to say to me before?" He didn't have his usual air of cockiness. He just looked tired.

"I just wanted to know when you want to meet up to do the project." I mumbled.

"We can meet tonight." He looked thrilled. "I really need a good grade and I know you are probably bummed to be my partner, but I promise you I won't be a slacker."

"Okay," I was doubtful that he'd be good, but he did look so hopeful. "Your house or mine?"

"Yours," He answered very quickly, but I didn't question him.

"Okay, can you come over around four?" I asked. He nodded as I gave him my address. Then we went our separate ways.

XOXOX

"Hey," I answered the door breathless. He mumbled a 'hey' back and walked into my house. I led him to my bedroom. My bedroom was basically empty except for a couple of pictures of me and Simon. I had a mental breakdown a while back where I ripped all of my drawings and painted my walls gray out of aggravation. I had a black bedspread with a gray carpet.

"Nice room." He lay down on my bed as I sat on my desk chair.

"So what do you want to do research on?" I spoke quietly.

"Doesn't really matter to me as long as I get an A," He sat up, but it looked like he was in pain.

"You alright?" I asked. Jace peered at me before saying he was fine.

"We could do research on child abuse and what it could cause later on in a kids life." I suggested.

"Sounds great," Jace looked very pleased.

"Okay so do you want to start it right now?" He shrugged so I took it as a 'yes'.

I sat down next to him taking my laptop with me. "Do you want to write the notes or should I?"

"I'll write them." We spent about an hour of just working. We came up with some very good information. Like how kids who are abused might become mute or develop multiple personality disorder.

Jace got up and looked at a photo of me and Simon. "How long have you guys been together?"

"About four months." I answered. Jace stared at the photo for a few more moments before turning towards me.

"Do you like him or are you dating him just so you aren't single?"

"Of course I like him!" I scuffed. "Do _you_ have a girlfriend?"

"Nope," He simply answered.

"Why not?" I continued to ask.

"What's the point of getting into a relationship with someone when it's only going to last for a couple of months?"

"You don't know that." I countered. "Some last for years."

"But everything comes to an end." I stared at him. He had a bored expression.

"But for something to end, something must begin." A small smile played onto his lips.

"That's true." He looked away. "But why start something that's going to end in pain?"

"Because the happiness is worth the pain," I spoke earnestly.

"To love is to destroy," he said so softly. "And to be loved is to be the one destroyed."

"Well that is a horrible life motto." I gave a little giggle. Jace raised an eyebrow at me.

It was weird. I was actually having a conversation with Jace Wayland; the most unapproachable guy in school. I looked at Jace carefully. He was paler than I remembered. He looked very tired and he was looking pretty thin.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" His eyes narrowed.

"Huh?" I stupidly said.

He chuckled. "It's okay, I know how hard it is to be in the presence of such a gorgeous man, but you must remember that you already have a boyfriend."

"Shut up!" I giggled. "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Maybe…" He looked away from me. "Thanks for having me over." He said once we walked over to my front door.

"No problem." I smiled at him. "Thanks for actually doing work."

Jace gave me a real smile, not a smirk. "Anytime, Clary." And he left.

XOXOXO

"Okay, Class, today I will give you time to work on your projects with your partners." Hodge said once the bell rang.

I looked over towards Jace's seat and saw that it was empty. _Great._

**Should I continue? **


	2. Chapter 2

CPOV

"So who do you think would win in a fight," Simon asked me, "Pirates or ninjas?"

"Definitely ninjas." I giggled at the randomness of our conversation. Simon was always trying to make me laugh lately.

"Agreed, and see this is why we are perfect for each other!" Simon kissed my ear.

"Well thanks for walking me home, beau." I kissed Simon slowly on the lips.

"Bye." I walked into my house debating if I should call Jace. I got his number from Alec today, at school, but still…

"_Hello?_" His voice sounded groggy.

"Hi, Jace, it's Clary, I got your number from Alec and I was wondering when you want to work on the project again."

"_Oh, hey,_" he sounded more awake now. "_Um I can't work on it for the rest of the week"_ As an afterthought, he added,_ "and I probably won't be in school this week either._"

"Oh, well why not? Are you sick?" I was doubtful.

"_Nope, I just don't feel like going to school_." I knew there was a smirk playing onto his lips.

"Fine, whatever," I was about to hang up, but then I added, "I'm not working on it unless we are working on it together." Then I hung up.

XOXOXO

_Saturday_

My door bell rang at 12 noon. I ran over and asked, "Who's there?" because I've always had a fear of looking into peepholes. You never know who you might see through it or if someone will shove a knife through and cut your eye out.

"Simon!" A muffled voice shouted back. I opened the door, gleefully, but my face faltered.

"Jace?" I asked. I gasped when I saw his face. He had a rash starting from one cheek that went over the bridge of his nose and ended on his other cheek. It was butterfly shaped.

"Did I say Simon?" He asked. "My bad," I let Jace inside and he headed straight to my room.

He walked over to my blinds and closed them. "Don't like sunlight?"

"I use to." Jace turned towards me and I stared at his rash.

"What happened to your face?" I asked. He looked away.

"Allergic reaction," I didn't believe him. A lopsided smile played onto his lips as he looked at me again. "Sorry if it takes away from my usual beauty." I

"Was that why you didn't go to school this week?"

"Nope, I told you, I just didn't feel like going."

"Why are you here now?"

"To work on the project," He sat down on my bed, wincing. "C'mon, I don't have all day."

"Okay, okay, geez."

XOXOX

We spent another good hour of hardcore working.

"Man, that's crazy," Said Jace "I mean imagine having memory blackouts because another "person" takes over your mind."

"Yeah, it is crazy." I agreed. We just finished up research on multi personality disorder. "But I guess it is a good defense mechanism. I mean when someone is about to beat you, you just mentally escape."

"Yeah I guess you're right." Jace looked over at the clock. For some reason I wanted to know more about Jace.

"Did you ever have any other friends besides Alec Lightwood?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. Jace looked perplexed by the randomness of my question.

"Yeah," He eyed me carefully.

"What happened to them all?" I continued. His eyes were still narrowing.

"I just stopped talking to them." He shrugged, but I could tell he was tensing up. "But I am still friends with Isabelle."

"Why did you stop talking to everyone else?"

"Why does it matter?" He countered.

"I don't know. Don't you get bored with him?"

"No not at all."

"So you don't want a relationship with anyone whether or not it's romantic or just friendship?"

"Yep." Jace started wincing as he brought his hands up to his head and started pulling at his hair.

"Are you okay?" I stood in front of him. I was about to touch him, but he shied away.

"Yeah, just a bad headache," He gave me a reassuring smile.

"Your world must be lonely." I pondered out loud to get back to our original conversation.

"It's not. I'm just living in a pain free bubble." He grinned at me.

"Eventually that bubble is going to pop."

"Not if I can help it." He looked very confident.

"But you can't help it, once you fall in love or bond with someone there will be nothing that you can do to prevent the pain."

"Why do you have to be so pessimistic?" I shrugged at him.

"So anyways, why do you always skip school?" I decided to ask.

"School is boring," he had that bored expression on his face, "just a waste of my life."

"I don't believe that's the real reason." I challenged him and he grinned.

"Wouldn't you like to know the real reason?" He teased me.

"Why did you come over today?" It had been bugging me the whole time, not that I really minded. I just wanted to know the reason.

"Why do you keep asking me questions?" He countered.

"I don't know," that was the truth. "You are just a big mystery."

"Then lets' keep it that way," He got off my bed, "I'll see in school depending if I show up."

"Okay, I'll, uh, see you whenever." I watched Jace leave from out the window. He winced the second the sunlight hit him. It's ironic how Jace is so golden and yet he hides from the sun.

XOXOXOX

_Monday_

Walking into my research class, I did not expect to see Jace, but he was there.

"You came!" I sat in the sit next to him. He looked over at me and smiled.

"Yeah, I decided that I had nothing better to do...so I came." I looked him over. He wore a tight fitting black-tee with dark washed jeans. He still looked pale, but his rash was gone. The bags under his eyes were still present.

"Well, I'm glad." I gave him a gentle grin. "Hodge has been giving us time in class to work on our project, but since you weren't here I haven't been doing anything."

"Of course you haven't done anything." He gave me a playful smile. "You probably ditched class to go make kissy face with your boy toy."

"I did not!" I huffed. "And _boy toy_? Simon is my _boyfriend_! I like him a lot!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you do," now that stupid cocky smile was on his face. "That's why you keep checking me out."

"I've never checked you out!" I knew I was being defensive. My phone buzzed from my black school bag.

"Better turn that off," My eyes narrowed. "Don't want your boy toy to get you in trouble."

I rolled my eyes as I pulled out my phone. Not surprisingly the text was from Simon.

_Thinking of you ;)_

I felt myself blush and Jace swiped my phone. "Thinking of you suggestive wink that would have probably looked stupid on him." Jace read aloud.

"Give it back!" I snatched it from his grasp. I turned my phone off and slid it back into my bag.

"Okay, Class, today I want you guys to copy the notes from the board." Hodge said once he set up the projector. I noticed Jace wincing the second he started writing.

"You okay?" I whispered.

"Never better," after a few more moments, Jace dropped his pen to the floor. I looked over at him and he was rubbing his left hand. Then he rushed out of the classroom. Feeling gutsy, I followed after him.

"Jace!" I yelled for him to stop, which he did. I caught up to him.

"Well aren't you a fearless bastard to follow me." He winked. He was still caressing his hand.

"Is something wrong with your hand?"

"No I'm just holding it for fun." I sighed. "I just pulled a muscle or something." He said, but I didn't believe him. I gently grabbed his left hand and gasped.

"Your fingers?" They were swollen. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He pulled his hand back. "I'm just having bad allergies."

"Are you sure you are okay?" My lips frowned.

"No, I'm just lying to you because I find it amusing." Glaring at him, he continued, "Now run along and go text back your boy toy and tell him how much you love him and miss him."

"Fuck you, Jace." I stormed back to class, but not without taking one last glance at him. He slumped down against the locker with one hand pushing hard on his head and the other holding his stomach tightly. _What is up with him?_

XOXOX

"So who do you think will win in a fight," Simon asked Maia and Isabelle. "Pirates or ninjas?"

"Ninjas," Maia answered. Isabelle just gave him the 'what-the-eff' look.

"Are you asking everyone that question?" I asked Simon.

"It's an important question!" I giggled.

"You are such a dweb!" Simon pulled me into his lap and stole a kiss from my lips. "A really hot dweb," I added.

"Is that all you guys do?" Jace's voice cut in. I looked over at him surprised that he was still in school.

"What do you want, Jace?" His annoyed look was replaced with a bored expression.

"I need to borrow your notes from class." I nodded as I took them out and gave it to him. "Thanks," he mumbled.

"Wow, do my ears deceive me or did Jace Wayland just say 'thanks'?" Isabelle started to tease him.

"Well, hello to you too, Isabelle." Jace was looking smug. "Don't you look nice today in that low cut top? I can almost see your whole boob." Isabelle's face flushed as she pulled up her shirt.

"You are such an ass." Isabelle snapped.

"Have you seen Alec?" Seriousness was now present on his face.

"Nope," She answered him with a frown.

"Are you and Alec gay lovers or something?" I joined in.

"No, that'd be Alec and Magnus." Jace looked at me. "My lover remains to be myself."

"Oh right," I muttered.

"Hey don't be bummed, you still have your boy toy to keep you company." He pointed at Simon. Simon was insulted.

"At least I'm getting some, Wayland." Simon spoke up.

"And you don't think that I could get some, Lewis?" A spark lit in Jace's eyes. "I've been getting 'some' years before you and I can still get whoever I want whenever I want. I just choose to be single." Jace marched away from us with my notes. Kirk walked past Jace, but Jace being the ass he is, put his foot out in front of Kirk causing him to fall flat on the floor. Jace laughed.

Then he grabbed Aline and kissed her on the lips. Aline immediately responded. He looked over at me and then to Simon, but back to me and winked.

**Thanks so much for all the positive reinforcements! Continue!**


	3. Chapter 3

CPOV

Jace didn't show up to school the following day. So I guess at this rate our project will be done last minute. Simon had to stay after school today so I came home alone.

My mom was still at work so I wandered into my bedroom.

"Jace!" I gasped. He was sprawled on my bed, "What are you doing here? And how did you get in?"

"Hey, Clary, I'm fine thanks for asking." Jace had a crooked smile on his face. "Your mom let me in and I just needed to get out of the house."

"Oh," I lamely said. "Well um I guess we should start working."

XOXOXO

JPOV

Jace had no idea why he went to Clary's house. He just needed to see her. Clary seemed to make him uneasy. It was like she saw through everything he did. Then when she started asking questions, Jace felt a compulsion to answer her.

So here he was, waiting in her bedroom to see her. Thoughts started pulsing through his mind, _what if she brought Simon with her? What if she doesn't want to work on it today?_

Then Clary walked into the room. Jace was flooded with a sense of relief that she came in alone.

XOXOX

"Actually I don't want to work," Jace replied.

"Then what are you doing here?" Jace got up and walked over to me.

"I honestly have no idea," he tucked a stray hair out behind me ear. My eyes widened from shock. Jace didn't even seem to realize what he just did.

Then his eyes fell to my lips as he outlined them with his finger. "Jace," I have a boyfriend! I wanted to scream, but I couldn't find the words.

"Just one kiss," He leaned down so gently and gave me a feather light kiss on the lips.

XOXOX

Jace had to kiss her. It was now or never. She felt amazing. Jace was about to deepen the kiss, but he was interrupted. "Clary" It was Simon, "I didn't have to stay after…" He trailed off as Clary practically jumped out of her skin and pushed Jace away. He stumbled, but caught himself.

"Simon!" Clary cried. Her face was flushed.

"Clary," Simon's voice was filled with hurt. His face had betrayal written all over it. "How-how could you?"

"Simon, it's not what it looks like!" She quickly explained. "He kissed me! I swear!"

"And you were kissing him back!" Simon wailed.

"Simon," But he wouldn't listen to her.

"Simon, it was all me!" Jace spoke up finally. "Don't blame Clary."

"Screw you, Wayland," Simon sneered, "and, Clary, we are through." He walked away.

"Simon, please don't do this!" Jace turned towards Clary. Tears were streaming down her face. "Simon, I love you!"

Simon looked back at her one last time, "Well you sure have a funny way of showing it."

Jace watched Clary fall to her knees with her hand over her mouth to keep her from sobbing. He didn't know whether or not to apologize, but the truth is he wasn't the least bit sorry.

"Clary," Jace kneeled down next to her and reached a hand over to her.

"Don't, Jace," She shied away from his touch, "Don't."

"I'm so-"

"So what, Jace?" She cut him off. "So sorry? Well you perfectly knew damn well that I had a boyfriend!"

"I screwed up and I'm sorry, Clary!" Jace rubbed a hand through his hair.

"Me too, Jace," She snuffled. "Can you just go, please?"

Without saying another word, Jace left.

**Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes or awkward sentences, just very tired, but I couldn't sleep so instead I wrote.**


	4. Chapter 4

JPOV

Kissing Clary was a mistake, Jace thought. She avoided him every single day for the rest of the week. She ignored his phone calls, texts, and every time he brought up the project she would just say 'I'm busy'.

His chest tightened every time he saw her. Since Simon was ignoring Clary, she had to change her lunch table. Isabelle was kind enough to join her, but Jace knew that this was all his fault. He just wanted to make things right.

XOXOXO

CPOV

Avoiding Jace hasn't been easy, or at least he hasn't been making it easy. He looked so _hurt_ every time I ignored him. _Why does he even care that I'm ignoring him?_ He's Jace Wayland, AKA, Mr. I-don't-give-a-damn-about-anything. I wasn't too worried about the stupid research project; I mean we did have till the end of the school year, so it doesn't really matter at the moment. I'm sure I'll forgive Jace, eventually.

Because of Jace kissing me, I have to eat lunch alone since I can't stand to see the horrified looks my friends would have given me for "cheating" on Simon. Isabelle was nice enough to join me in my isolation. She actually understands what Jace is like.

"Are you still avoiding Jace?" She asked me.

"Of course." I answered.

"You should forgive him, soon," I glared at Iz.

"Why should I?" I kept my glare.

"Jace has issues going on and hasn't been thinking right ever since," She said. "Just be gentle with him." My glare lightened up. "So did you like kissing Jace?" Isabelle gave me a secretive smirk.

"No! Of course not!" The truth is, I have no idea if I enjoyed it or not. I was just too upset about the whole Simon walking in on us situation. I wouldn't even allow myself the pleasure to think about the kiss.

"Okay," Isabelle was about to bite into her sandwich, but then looked up, "Hey, Jace."

"Hey, Iz, Clary," He sat down right next to me. I faced the opposite direction. "Come on, Clary, don't you think we are a little too old for the silent treatment?" I didn't answer. "Okay, fine be that way. I just wanted you to know that I accidently shredded our notes for the project."

"What?" I gasped, finally looking at him. The bags under his eyes were even worse than usual and he looked skinnier.

"And she speaks!" He gave me a round-of-applause. I just scowled at him. "I would have told you this earlier this week, but you were so intent on ignoring me…"

"So now what?" All our hard work was _gone._ I honestly felt like crying.

"We could work on it today right after school," He said. "I'll even give you a ride to your house." I was hesitant and Jace noticed, "Don't worry, I won't be kissing you again."

"Fine," I gave in. Isabelle looked thrilled for some reason while I looked glumly over at Simon and watched him crack up with Maia from a distance.

XOXOX

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked Jace once we got into the car. I noticed how his knuckles turned white as his grip tightened on the steering wheel, but then he smirked.

"It was clear that you wanted a little taste of this," He pointed to himself, "so I gave you what you wanted."

"Well thank you ever so much, Jace," I rolled my eyes.

"Anytime, Clary." He gave me a lopsided grin.

"Do you ever sleep?" I wasn't in the mood to deal with his sarcasm.

Jace cocked his head, "Yeah, I sleep more than the average person. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering…" I looked out the window and stayed silent for the rest of the ride.

XOXOX

Once we got inside my house I led Jace to my bedroom and he spiraled onto my bed.

"Okay, do you remember what we first researched?" I looked over at him.

"Yeah, I do." Jace opened up his backpack and pulled out the notes for our project. I gaped at him.

"You son of a-" Fire was burning inside me.

"C'mon, Clary, curing is very rude!" Jace cut me off.

"Bu-but why?" I stuttered out.

"This was the only way to get you to talk to me."

I whirled towards him, "you are the most obnoxious person I've ever met!" He opened his mouth to speak, but I continued anyways, "I don't know what makes you think that you have the right to be such a self-pleasing asshole!"

"Clary, calm down," he looked serious, all traces of joking were gone.

"If you wanted to hang out with me sooo badly then you should have asked instead of kissing me when I have a boyfriend or lying about our project being destroyed!"

"Had," he spoke so softly.

"What?" I snapped, ungraciously.

"You said 'I _have_ a boyfriend', it's supposed to be '_had_'," he explained.

"Shut up!" I slammed my bedroom door shut and ran out of the house. I just needed to get away from him and from everything.

"Clary!" He yelled and started running after me. I started to walk faster, but he obviously caught up with me. He grabbed my arm and twirled me to face him. "Clary," he looked away and started coughing into his hand that wasn't holding me. Then he let go of me completely and dropped to his knees on the sidewalk, still coughing.

"Jace, you alright?" I asked, nervously. Blood was dripping on his hand, that's when I noticed he was coughing out blood. "Oh, God, Jace, should I call an ambulance?" I kneeled down next to him.

His coughing stopped. "No, I'm fine." He spat blood onto the white pavement and got up, slowly.

I got up, "Well let's go back to my house." I said and he nodded.

"I'm just going to get my stuff, and then I'm going to head home," said Jace as he grabbed his school bag.

"Bye, Jace," His eyes snapped to mine.

"Bye, Clary," I couldn't identify the look he was giving me, but it made me uncomfortable. My gaze shifted down to his feet and my cheeks turned rosy. He left after another couple of seconds.

Grabbing my phone, I dialed Isabelle's number.

"_Clary, what's up?_" She sounded pretty cheerful.

"What's wrong with Jace?" I went straight to the point.

"_That's an age old question, Clary_," I cut her off.

"No, I mean is he sick or something?" I had to ask.

"_I'm not at liberty to say._" She spoke very quickly.

XOXOX

I needed to find out what was up with Jace. I found his address and rode my bike to his place. I would have had Simon take me, but since he basically hates me…

Jace's car was already in the driveway. He doesn't live that far from me, so it's no shocker. I rang the door bell, feverishly.

"Clary?" He looked dazed, "What are you doing here?"

"What's wrong with you?" I ignored his question.

"What?" That snapped him out of his daze.

"Are you sick?"

**Love the reviews guys! Thanks for the subscriptions and favorites!** **Now I'm probably going to fail my math test because of all this procrastination, but oh well, lol**

**Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

CPOV

"I'M not sick, sick," said Jace, "but I am sick…if that makes sense."

"That doesn't make the least bit of sence," I stared at him.

"Okay, I'm not sick as in I'm dying," he clarified, "but I am sick." He looked pained to talk about this. I mean, I can't blame him, this is a personal topic.

"What do you have?" I asked, "Crohn's disease?"

"No, I have lupus." He stated, sullenly.

"But it's never lupus." I stupidly said. _Damn it House!_

"Funny," he said, "that's exactly what I said." Jace still had that grim look on his face and I suddenly had an urge to hold him and tell him that it's okay.

"Well I guess lupus is better than cancer, right?" I asked.

"You thought I had cancer?" He gave me a sheepish grin.

"Well what was I supposed to think?" I felt my face redden.

"Okay, that's a fair argument." Jace was nodding his head.

I rolled my eyes and suddenly we were faced with an awkward silence. Jace was just giving me this strange look and I was deciding if I should say anything else.

"So I guess I should get going," I started to walk away, but Jace grabbed my arm. I slowly turned towards him.

"You could stay if you want," he swallowed. _Was Jace nervous?_

"Um," I looked around weighing in my options, "okay." He showed me into his house. It was quiet big compared to all the other houses in the neighborhood. Jace led me to a strangely empty bedroom, where we both sat down on the bed.

"So how long have you had lupus?" I decided to ask.

"Since freshmen year," he sighed. "I got really sick during November and I got blotchy rashes and I even went blind for a bit." He looked pained so I took his hand to give him comfort. "I was losing a lot of weight and I had no energy. Hell, I practically bled to death from coughing out so much blood." Jace gulped, "I was in the hospital for a week after they diagnosed me."

"I'm so sorry, Jace." I really didn't know what to say.

"It's not your fault," He shrugged, "the medication and treatments work fine, except for the occasional flares." Then he added, "Which is why I miss a lot of school."

"Wow, Jace," I shook my head in disbelief, "I am so sorry for all the mean things I've thought about you."

He cocked his head to the side, "You thought mean things about me?"

I blushed, "Well you are kind of an asshole…" He started laughing.

"I wasn't always an asshole," His face went back to serious mood, "I was just so mad about the whole lupus thing, that I decided to take it out on society."

"Why?" I kept hold of his gaze.

"Because everyone takes life for granted," Shaking his head, he continued, "I've thought about killing myself," I gasped. "But I decided against it because I wanted to beat this disease."

"Why are you telling me this?" My voice was uneven.

He chuckled, "I really don't know why," He slid the back of his hand down my cheek, and said, "I've tried to seal myself off from love because I was always afraid that this stupid disease would make me bitter enough to hurt the poor girl who fell in love with me." He frowned, "Then you got assigned as my partner in research," Jace had bitterness in his voice. "You just had to be so cute and innocent that I couldn't even be an ass if I tried."

"Jace," He didn't let me speak.

"When you stopped talking to me this week, it killed me. I felt this pang of loneliness without you." He gave a humorless laugh, "I don't regret kissing you and I am glad that Simon broke up with you. So today I came up with the brilliant plan of saying I ruined our project just so you would say something to me. My plan worked, but it still felt wrong lying to you." He looked away from me, "What have you done to me?"

I stayed silent. I really was speechless. Then I decided that actions speak louder than words. I cupped my hand on his cheek to turn him towards me as I leaned over to kiss him sweetly on the lips.

His lips were so soft. I pushed Jace down on the bed so that I was leaning over him. I deepened the kiss and felt Jace's chest vibrate as he moaned. His hands were tangled up in my hair as mine explored his chest.

"Well I better go," I breathlessly said. Jace looked disappointed, but didn't protest. He walked me out the door and gave me one last parting kiss.

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	6. Chapter 6

CPOV

As I got ready for school, I couldn't help but get butterflies in my stomach as I remembered the kiss Jace and I shared the other night. It automatically put me in a good mood.

I put on a green off-the-shoulder shirt with black jean shorts as I made my way to the school. I didn't see Jace yet which caused a dark cloud to hang over me.

As I opened my locker I spotted Simon. He was with Maia and they were holding hands. I felt my heart shatter. I mean, I know we are done and all, but it still hurts. Maia used to be my friend before I cheated on Simon and now she is with him! C'mon now!

"Hey, Beautiful," Hands wrapped tightly around my waist as Jace kissed the back of my neck.

"Hey," I leaned into his chest, smelling the leather of his jacket.

Jace hadn't let go of me yet as Simon walked right past us and instead of ignoring me, like he usually did, Simon turned towards me, "Well don't you two look like a happy couple? I wonder how long you two been together…is it three weeks now? Or is it four?"

Pulling away from Jace, I hissed, "Simon, I never cheated on you!"

"And yet, I don't believe you," He snapped.

"Can't we just go back to being friends?" I begged.

Simon's face was filled with contempt, "It's too late for that." Then he stalked away before I could say anything else.

Jace placed a hand on my shoulder, but I jerked away. "You know what, Jace," I said, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Don't wait up." I started to walk away as tears were rimming my eyes, but Jace's hand ended up back on shoulder to pull me back.

"Clary, don't do that," he exhaled.

"Do what?" I didn't turn to look at him.

Jace put both hands on my shoulders and whirled me around to face him and when I still wouldn't look up; he gently put a hand under my chin and gave it a little tilt. "Don't close yourself off from me."

"I'm not," I spoke quietly.

"Yes you are!" He told me. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, Jace," I pulled away from him, "I'm fine, really. Just go to class. I'll be there in a few."

"Okay," He sounded hesitant, but still he let me walk away this time.

XOXOX

JPOV

Jace started off towards class after he watched Clary walk away. He felt bad knowing that her pain was all his fault. He saw Simon out of the corner of his eye walking to his class.

"Simon!" Jace yelled. He looked over and scowled.

"What?" He barked. Jace debated on a sarcastic comment, but decided against it. He wasn't going to be an asshole today, at least.

"Look, I know you are still in love with Clary and all," Simon glowered. "But lets' face it: the better man one." Opps, I guess I'm being an ass, Jace thought.

"Screw you, Wayland," Simon glared at him and started to walk away.

"If you really loved Clary, you wouldn't be putting her through all this pain," Jace spoke quickly as he ran in front of Simon.

"You don't know anything about love, Jace," He said. "You've never had a serious relationship before. You don't know anything about a broken heart!"

"I may be inexperienced in that department, but what I do know is that I would never be a bitch to the one who always stuck by me through the thick and thin."

The bell rang and Simon ran off to his classroom. Jace walked over to his own classroom, but decided he was needed some place else.

XOXOX

CPOV

The bell rang the second tears spilt from my eyes. Why couldn't Simon and I just be friends again? How could it be possible that I lost my best friend? I slumped down on the floor in the bathroom, which was empty. I can't blame Jace for the breakup of our friendship, our relationship yes, but friendship, that was my entire fault. I never loved Simon the way he loved me and I should of broke up with him a long time ago instead of just going along with it.

The bathroom door opened and I jumped up. It was Jace.

"Jace?" I stared at him.

"You know what I don't understand?" He asked. I just shook my head. "I don't understand why girls always say they're fine when clearly they are not." He walked over and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face onto his chest and cried some more.

Ja-Jace," I sobbed, but he shushed me.

"Don't worry about Simon," he said. "If he was really ever your friend, he will be running back to you in no time."

"I really hurt him, Jace," I finally stopped sobbing.

"_I_ really hurt him, Clary," he exclaimed. "_I_ was the one who kissed you. Not the other way around."

"It takes two to kiss," I whispered. Jace pulled away from me, but grabbed my hand.

"C'mon let's ditch school today."

XOXOX

Jace took me to his house. We lay together in his bed, cuddling.

"It's pretty nice outside," I said. "Why don't we go for a walk or something?"

Jace shook his head, "I can't. Sunlight doesn't go very well with lupus."

"Okay, well we can do something else instead…" I left the sentence hanging.

"Like what?" Jace quipped.

"Like this," I crawled on top of him and kiss him lightly on the lips. My heart was beating erratically.

"This is so much better than a walk," he breathed onto my lips.

I sat on his hard abs and leaned down to kiss him, pinning his hands to his sides. Jace licked my lips for entrance, which I allowed. The kissing became intense and passionate. He let out a couple of moans. I let Jace's hands go free and then he flipped me over so that he was now straddling me.

Jace tasted amazing. He tasted of cinnamon gum, my favorite. Moans flowed out of my mouth as Jace moved his mouth away from mine and onto my neck.

Soon we both pulled away, panting.

**Sorry for the late update! I thought I'd have more time to update, but I guess I lied. Sorry for any mistakes as well, updating pretty late and I'm exhausted/delirious. **

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	7. Chapter 7

CPOV

Since it was mid winter, the school was having a winter formal today. Jace had obviously asked me in his own unique way. _We were goofing around at the park at night when he dropped down to his knees and pulled out a black box, "Clarissa Fray," he said. "Will you go to the dance with me?" He opened the box to reveal a ticket._

Now I was at Isabelle Lightwood's house, getting ready. Isabelle achieved in making my curls manageable and completely tamed. She gave my eyes that smoky look and dressed me in cute green dress that was tight on the body, but fluffed out on the hips and stopped right above the knees. She tried to force me into 5 inch heels, but that was where I drew the line. I put on black ankle boots instead.

Isabelle looked fabulous as always. She had her hair pin straight and did her makeup sharp. She wore a skin tight, silver-shimmery dress with 5 inch strappy heels.

Alec and Magnus were already on their way to the dance once we were ready. When the doorbell rang, I knew it was going to be Jace since Isabelle said she was going late. Isabelle ran back to her room as I went to go open the door. She said she didn't want to ruin the moment when Jace sees me.

Once I opened the door, Jace took one look at me and then suddenly his lips were on top of mine. Then he pulled back. "Well hello to you too," I panted.

"You look beautiful, but then again, you always look beautiful," he gave me a huge grin.

"So do you," I said. Jace looked gorgeous. His golden locks were neatly tousled and he looked great in black.

"Beautiful, huh?" Jace raised a brow. "I would have settled for handsome or my favorite, _dashing_, but beautiful? Really?"

"Oh shut up!" I grabbed his hand and dragged him outside.

XOXOX

"So tell me," Jace said while we were dancing. My hands were around his neck while his were on my hips. "How did I end up with the prettiest girl ever?"

I felt my face flush, "I am _not_ pretty!" I insisted. "There are tons of girls who are way prettier than me."

Jace leaned in and kissed me, "Your modesty just adds to your beauty."

"Well thank you for the compliment," I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder.

"So who is Isabelle's date?" he asked.

"I have no idea," I said.

"Well here's our chance to find out." I pulled away from Jace and looked over my shoulder. Isabelle was standing there with her arms around _Simon_. I felt my jaw fall open. "_Simon_?" Even Jace sounded surprised. "I thought he was with Maia," he mused. I pulled away from Jace and made a beeline towards them. I remember Simon used to have a crush on Isabelle, but that was just a distraction from his feelings for me, or so he told me.

"Hey, Iz, Simon," I said once I made it over to her. Jace wasn't too far behind.

She looked nervous, "Hey, Clary."

Simon gave me a calm smile, "Hey, Clary. You look great."

"Thanks," my eyes narrowed. "You too." And that was the truth. Simon did look put together for once, wearing a black tux.

"Mind if I steal a dance with her, Jace?" Simon asked.

Jace blinked, "Um, yeah go ahead."

Simon took my hand and led me over to the floor. I looked over at Jace and saw that Isabelle had wrapped herself around him. "So you and Isabelle, huh?"

"Yeah," Simon sheepishly said. "Who would of thunk it?"

"Certainly not me," I kidded. "So am I forgiven?"

"Only if you forgive me for being so rude, the other day."

I pulled him in for a hug, "Of course you are forgiven."

Simon gave me a nostalgic smile, "I am so glad to hear you-"

Suddenly I heard Isabelle yell, "JACE!" I spun around to see Jace on the floor with Isabelle leaning over him. Everyone started to crowd around. I pulled away from Simon and fell to the floor beside Jace.

Jace was out cold. "Someone call 911!" I shrieked. "What happened?" I asked Isabelle.

"I don't know!" She said. Her eyes looked watery. I felt my eyes becoming wet as well. "We were just dancing and then he fell."

An ambulance came and Jace was carried out.

**Sorry for the 2 month late update! Don't really have an excuse….lol**

**Sorry if this chapter seems rushed. I just needed to get it down before that stupid hurricane makes me lose power. 2 natural disasters in one week? It's like a teaser for 2012! **

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	8. Chapter 8

CPOV

I arrived to the hospital two hours later after Jace was admitted. Isabelle, Alec, and Simon were with us as we waited to hear some news, hopefully the good kind…I looked over at Isabelle, and she had a frantic look on her face as Simon rubbed her back, soothingly. I felt envious, wishing Jace was here to comfort me.

An elder woman walked into the waiting room, her cheeks were stained with tears. Alec stood up once he noticed the woman. "Miss. Herondale," he said. "Is he..." Alec chocked on his words.

The woman nodded. I was certainly confused. Who was she? Miss. Herondale's gaze drifted over to me. "You must be Clary," she gave a weak smile. I nodded. "Jace told me so much about you." I didn't say anything. "I'm, Imogen Herondale, Jace's grandmother."

"Is he going to be alright?" was all I said. Imogen looked away.

"Grandma," Isabelle swallowed. "What's wrong with Jace?" I was too upset to even notice that Isabelle called Jace's grandmother, her "grandma".

"Jace didn't want any of you guys to know this, but I guess I have no other choice, but to tell," she took a shaky breath. "Jace doesn't have lupus. He pretended he did since the symptoms of what he really had were almost the same."

"What does Jace really have?" Simon inquired.

She licked her lips, "Jace has pulmonary congestion, which is congestive heart failure that occurs when the left ventricle of the heart is not able to pump out enough blood that is received from the lungs."

Since no one said anything, Simon asked, "What does that mean?"

"His heart is failing," the older woman responded gravely.

Alec stood up and desperately asked, "Can't he get a transplant?"

"Not enough time," Imogen said as tears silently dripped from her cheeks. "Clary, he wanted to see you."

"No, it's not fair." I whispered and then I ran out of the hospital. My own face felt wet. I had no idea where I was headed, but I just ran. I needed to get away.

_Jace isn't dying._

_Jace isn't dying._

_Jace isn't dying._

The words meant nothing. The truth was Jace was dying and so I collapsed to my knees and let the grief take over. I was shaking and trembling. I never lost someone before. I never knew what grief felt like. But now I do. And it is horrible. It was one of those things I'd never wish on my worst enemy.

The amazing thing about New York City is that you could sit on the street bawling your eyes out and not one person will acknowledge you. I pulled myself up and raced back towards the hospital. _Jace isn't dead yet_, I told myself, the key word being _yet_, made me start bawling all over again.

XOXOX

Once I made it back to the hospital, the lady told me visiting hours were closed, but then Jace's grandmother argued for me and so the secretary let me go visit him.

He was awake, lying in his bed looking bored as hell. His face perked up when he saw me enter. "I almost thought you wouldn't show up," Jace grinned. I just stared at him. He looked so frail. So close to _death_. I swallowed and fought back my tears. "Are you just going to stand there, or are ya gunna come over here and kiss me?" He chuckled. I still didn't move. "Let me guess," he continued. "You are mad that I lied to you about having lupus and that I didn't inform you that I was dying?" He still had that annoyingly cocky smirk on his face.

"I hate you," I spat. "I hate you for making me fall in love with you."

The smirk was completely gone. His eyes widened, "Clary, this isn't what I planned. I tried to get you to hate me, I really did. I didn't want to leave you. I _don't_ want to leave you." I didn't speak so Jace continued. "That's why I was an ass to people. I didn't want anyone miss me. I didn't want anyone to become attached to me and I didn't want to be attached to anyone because it would make accepting death even harder than it is now."

I slowly walked over to him and he patted the bed for me to climb in. I hugged myself to his chest and cried. He ran his hands up and down my back trying to calm me down. "I don't want you to go, Jace."

"I don't want to go," he said. His voice was rough. I got off him and stood up. "It's not fair. I'm only 17." His eyes looked watery. "How can it be over before it even started?"

"I don't know, Jace," I murmured. He reached out for my hand and pulled me close. "I love you, Clary." He pulled me down and kissed me softly on the lips. I climbed back into bed with him.

XOXOX

We fell asleep after a while, but once I woke up, it was about 12:30 at night. Jace was up also. "Hey," he whispered.

"So tell me," I said, "why aren't your parents here?"

"My father was an abuser so my mother took me away and we stayed at my father's grandmother's house. My mom told me she would be right back. She never came back."

"So Imogen raised you." I stated.

"Yep, Imogen raised me." he said. "I was 10 when this all happened." He added.

"She seems like a sweet woman," I commented.

Jace chuckled as he played with my hair, "Yeah she is, but she can be pretty tough also, just like you."

He kissed my nose.

XOXOX

I had gone home a little after 1:00 AM and my mom didn't scold me, shockingly. She just gave me a hug and went off towards her bedroom.

The next morning, Isabelle, Alec, and I went over to the hospital. Visiting hours were open so we all went into his room. He looked happy to see all of us. Isabelle who had looked so put together, was now a tearing mess.

"No more waterworks please!" Jace moaned. "I need some happy energy in this dreadful room."

"_Jace_," Alec warned.

"Sorry," Jace mumbled. Jace asked me to leave the room so he could speak to Alec and Isabelle alone, then he asked me to come back once they had left.

"Clary," he said. "For the short time I have known you, I have completely fallen head over heels in love with you. I use to not believe in love, but now I do and I wish it didn't take me this long to realize love is real. I love you."

"I love you too, Jace," I croaked. Then I leant down to kiss him.

I had to leave shortly after that since Jace needed rest.

XOXOX

Imogen's POV

Imogen walked into Jace's room shortly after Clary left. She took a seat as Jace slept soundlessly. She couldn't believe she was going to outlive her grandson. That is one thing a grandmother never wants to happen.

She closed her eyes and slowly drifted to sleep.

An hour or two later, she awoken and looked over at Jace. His chest wasn't heaving up or down. She got up and carefully walked over to him. Holding his hand, she couldn't feel a pulse on his wrist, but she could feel the cold, lifelessness of his body.

She pursed her lips and leant down to plant a small kiss upon Jace's head. "I'll see you soon, child," she whispered and gave another small kiss. "_Soon_."

**The End**

**Thanks soo much for reading my story! I will be posting an epilogue!**

**And the ending scene credit goes to the show, Dawson's Creek : )**

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	9. Epilogue

CPOV

I wish I could say there was a lesson to be learned from all this. That Jace's death meant something, but in all honesty, it meant nothing. Or at least I am still trying to find some meaning.

Jace's grandmother died a month later. It turned out she had breast cancer.

My therapist told me that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I suppose she's right, but what happens next?

XOXO

After two months of being away at an institution for my depression, I was finally back at school. I didn't really care that I had to go to summer school for missing those two months. It was worth it.

I walked over to the front of the school where there was a plaque that said _Jace Wayland Memorial_. 

"Clary!" Isabelle shrieked. I whirled around as she charged at me. She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a huge bear hug. Simon quickly followed. "Oh my God! You're back! Yay!"

Simon joined the hug fest and wrapped his arms around me as well. "We really missed you, Clary!"

"It's good to be back," I said. Isabelle and Simon both pulled away. They had huge smiles on their faces. I really did miss them.

"We have soooo much to tell you!" Isabelle squealed.

"First and foremost," Simon said, "I have become a vegetarian."

Then Isabelle started talking, "So Aline and Jonathan…" I zoned out to take in this moment of us all being here, being in the now.

**Thanks for all the support for this story! You are all awesome! **


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